lauraldanne’s blabbernothings

Incessant ranting up ahead. If you can’t take that, feel free to click on the little x on the top-right portion of your screen.

My schedule has been very hectic. I know it’s so dumb, I don’t even work. All I do is go to school full-time and I am complaining. Blah! I signed up for Tuesday and Thursday classes this semester and I’m in school from 6 in the bloody morning until 6 in the evening. WHY? Oh, I’ll tell you why. Since I live 35 miles away from school, I refuse to drive myself on Texas freeway, so I carpool with Papa who has to go to work anyway. He leaves EARLY and heads home at about 6, so there you go. And I figured my vacant hours in between classes would allow me to do whatever research work I needed to get down, but it turns out, the hours aren’t enough. I have so many papers to write. I have exams to study for.

Ahhh, all those papers I need to write…

• Psychology Research Paper (my topic - my ever-favorite, fate in connection to personality)
• History Mid-Term (all the research I have to do, and I still don’t have my main source - my textbook)
• Small Town Project (i need pictures, original documents, street maps, 2 interviews!!!)
• Psychology Personality Paper (i’ll be needing "guinea pigs" and i only know about a handful of people in Texas)

Which are all due in about a month an a half’s time. And then there are all the exams that come right after each other, on top of quizzes, homework, map tests, notetaking. I’ve never complained about school like this - ever! At least, as far as I can remember. And I was hoping to get a job this semester, but I don’t have the motivation to bring myself to the office and finalize my application because I have stuff to do. Since I can only work on Tuesdays and Thursdays, that just leaves me no more room to do research in school. Darnit! So I’m vacillating on the idea of just putting working off until next semester. That is until my parents bug to to go on and just do it. But nakakahiya dun sa tumulong sakin. She was really nice to me and then I’d put seeing her off. So I’m really confused. I don’t wanna feel bad and I don’t want to make it seem like I’ve ditched the prospect of being her employee.

On Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, when I am supposed to be at home relaxing…I really can’t. I still have more to study. My Music Appreciation class even requires that I study using the CD-Rom provided with our textbook. Music shouldn’t be THIS frustrating. I had no choice really, it was either that or Art, and I am NOT an artist, hello. My History book hasn’t even arrived yet when I ordered it online over 3 weeks ago. Stupid seller! Even my little internet usage does me no good. All I really do online is delete spam, read "short" forwarded message, and then sign-off and study. I don’t have time to read long emails anymore - even the regular length emails. I can’t even blog anymore. Huhu. I haven’t been able to blog-hop either which results to my losing visitor hits. Blast! This blog entry results from the choice to either blog-hop and catch up with people or rant about how I can no longer enjoy the thrill of it.

I haven’t been able to watch TV either. No more PrimeTime madness. Sad. Good thing we still have the DVR, so I can record the shows I’ve been missing. But I can’t imagine what life would be like without it, and that’s in 7 months time, when we have to return the apparatus and be DVR-less beings that we once were.

And I just found out that I am still a Freshman. And my GPA is going down the drain. All the more reason for me to stop slacking off and do everything in my power to study my butt off and bring it back up where it used to be. Well, ok, it’s partly my fault, too because I had to ditch school and go shopping at Ayala and SM. Dumb dumb dumb. But why am I still a freshman? Because I’ve studied in 3 different colleges, and each had their own course requirements. Obviously, what is required in one school isn’t needed in another. Estoofid! So I have to take SO much more credits before I can get my degree.

And of course, I have saved the best worst for last.

I’m so confused. I really really am. I don’t know what I want to do anymore. About what you might ask? Well, that’s the problem, I can’t even talk about it, afraid that I just might end up hurting more people in the process. I’m not even sure if I should be this confused because I don’t know if there really is "something" there. You know what I mean? Well, of course you don’t. I am being extremely vague. *sigh* I don’t know who to turn to because everyone is affected by this sticky situation. Ok, maybe they really aren’t and I’m just being paranoid. But the truth of the matter is that I highly doubt anyone will understand what I’m going through. Sure I’ve received a ton of advice through the years relating to this same problem, despite it being nonexistent back then. Perhaps people knew all too well before I did that this is inevitable, while I was just shrugging them off, cursing under my breath, and wondering why I called this person a friend. I guess this is a bit different from what they expected. Even I didn’t see this one coming. Which is another big reason why I can’t figure out if I want to ask for advice. People do know though that I can pretty much take care of myself when it comes to big decisions like this. I know what I want and do anything I can to get it, so running to the nearest exit for help is always the last resort. What crapload!

I’m done complaining for the meantime. Talk to you later, folks!