lauraldanne’s blabbernothings

You know what I absolutely hate?

People who say that long distance relationships never work. I would like to stress on the word never as it is a very harsh word that takes a ton of baggage with it.

First of all, you cannot use the word "never" lightly. Doing so just means that something is impossible and has not been proven to happen in the history of the universe. Never is saying not ever. Not on any occasion. At no time at all will be achievable. Impossible. Beyond imagination. Completely preposterous. Being the naive optimist that I am, there are certain things that ARE possible, the LDR being one of them.

Secondly, if you’ve NEVER (there is a valid reason I am using this one now) been in a long distance relationship, then you cannot blurt out that statement in a snap of a finger. If you’ve never been in a long distance relationship, you won’t be able to realize what it’s like to be in one and how, in fact, it is possible for it to survive the test of time and distance. That’s just like criticizing a movie you haven’t seen, or saying the Eiffel Tower is the most beautiful infrastructure when you haven’t been to Paris. Get the drift? You don’t have the permission to utter such assertion.

Let’s say that you have tried the so-called Long Distance Relationship, and did fail miserably (ok, scratch out the miserably part if you will), that still doesn’t give you the jurisdiction to pound your fist and indignantly say "it never works." So it’s a matter of opinion, sure, but making it sound like it’s well-proven and make this absurd generalization over the entire kingdom of love-stricken individuals is total baloney.

I’m not just ranting like a lovesick puppy, mind you. Perhaps being in an LDR adds to the feeling of contempt I may hold towards these moronic conclusions and their cynical masterminds, but it isn’t like that.

Because should, heaven forbid, my long distance relationship abruptly end *knock furiously on wood*, I still wouldn’t chant they don’t work. I dare you to mark my word. I know several couples who made it work, many married, another planning a wedding. So take that!

I believe that for one to work though, there should already be a relationship to begin with. Not just some random "he’s over there and I’m over here" kind’a thing. If ever that did happen, it would take a lot of time AND money to make it work. Granted, every relationship needs time, which is the point exactly. Maintaining a long distance relationship isn’t easy. It’s not a walk in the park on a beautiful spring day. It takes a whole lot of work and commitment.

It really has a lot to do with the reason as to why these failed long distance relationships of yesteryear went down the drain, too. Was it unfaithfulness? Deception? Trickery? Did they simply just lose interest in each other? Did one get tired of waiting around? Did they just decide to move on with their seperate lives and get a new love interest? These are simple facts that might have caused just ANY relationship to backfire, not just those seperated by oceans of massive acres of land.

So before you go all out and scream to the top of your lungs about LDRs never working, pause for a second and think if you have the authority to say so.

My brain has been dead for the past week, which has unfortunately prevented me from writing a decent blog. Sure, I can muster up some words and formulate them into coherent sentences, but that’s as far as it goes.

I used to be able to conjure up something that would seem interesting to read, like something about this so-called-life, and what makes it so rollercoaster-y. Or perhaps I could come up with something about love, yes young sweet love, that makes you weak at the knee whenever you are reminded of how it began. Because I, for a fact, am a product of that same young love. Ahhh, the remnants of my flowery high school life. No, not the wallflower type. My high school life is something worth reliving. Now if only I had a time machine. Ok, i’m drifting off again.

One of my English teachers has taught me that whenever an idea for an article comes about, one must record this, lest it be forgotten. Lately, my ideas creep into my brain at night in the dark when I am tucked under the covers getting ready to drift off to Dreamland. How uber-awesome is that? Not so. Of course by that time I would be too lazy to get out of bed and write what I just thought about. And that’s been historically proven. My best ideas come late at night. Do I hear night person somewhere in the vicinity? Right. When assigned to write an essay for school, I can stay up all night with a deadline looming over my head with just a few hours to spare, and I’d have my essay at the break of dawn. Sure, I wouldn’t get much sleep, but I got the task done. And it is just unfortunate that since I do not have a deadline to beat, it’s still the same. There is just no reason for me to pull myself out of my sleepy reverie to write something down.

Yesterday, while I was in the car enjoying the Texas scenery, things suddenly popped in my head. Normally, I had a notebook and a pen ready for me to jot down these things, but of course, as ironic as it would be, these two important things were nowhere in sight because it was the one day that I decided I didn’t want to take a purse with me, which of course contained my pen & paper.

When I’m watching a movie or listening to a song, my family would laugh at me when they find me furiously scribbling something on paper, and say "Ano nanaman yang naisip mo?" I have written down a gazillion things - many I have written about, while some others obliterated like some archived part of forgotten history.

Well, for one thing, my life hasn’t been that much interesting lately. Not like it was before, but what can you expect when you’ve just moved to a new part of the country and you’re broke? Yes, nothing much. Or maybe I have been going to some places worth mentioning, but am just too lazy to sit down and write about it. Ok, in fairness to myself, I have managed to post and upload some pictures and write something about them. If I haven’t been able to make it clear already, it takes time for me to write an essay. I do a lot of writing and rewriting. When I have my draft, which I had to painstakingly write down on paper, I would type it out the next day (or a few hours later) and do revisions while doing so. Tiring process, I know.

In reality, though, I can find something to write about concerning just anything, like how the heat is scorching in Southern Texas, or how bright it still is at 9 o’clock at night. Or the four types of clouds in the sky. Or the house being under construction. Or the next movie I would want to see. Or the mere fact that my boyfriend is a thousand miles away from where I want him to be (or where he wants me to be, however you want to look at it). This one of course being the most obvious as it has been repeated over and over and over. Everything seems to hold something note-worthy if given the proper backdrop - which I of course am lazy to think of.

And as if not being able to write a blog entry is enough, I can’t even gather the words to reply to people’s friendly emails and messages to me. I feel like a very bad person. Ugh! Sure, how hard is it to return the hello and ask how the person has been doing since the last time you’ve seen them? I do want something more than that. Like this letter from one of my friends, it is full of updates about how her life has been going. It would be a shame if I just replied with a "That’s great to hear" and bid her good-bye. Right.

Since I’ve been such a disgrace to the blogging world, I have decided to soak myself in Photoshop. I’m not much of an artist, if you must know. The layouts I come up with is just pure luck. Doesn’t everyone say that? But yes, I would rather pour out my frustrations in colors these days than in words, which of course is obvious in my latest blog layout (on blogspot, that is). It is a drab old shade of gray - so uninspired. Even the side panel picture is recycled. Haha. I’m trying to imagine (yes IMAGINE is the word, indeed) that I am happy and chirpy, and very girly just to come up with a cheerful layout this time around.

So here goes another entry of blabbernothings. And what is a better way to end it? How in the world would I know? I’m already having trouble starting one, so you can’t expect me to know how to end it, now do you? Until then.

parang selfish ako

hindi na yata tama ginagawa ko

parang may mga nasasaktan na yata

ito ako, pangiti-ngiti at patawa-tawa, pero deep down masakit

nakakalito

para bang pinipilit ka nalang yung hindi na pwede

inaayawan na, subalit ito pa rin ako na nagpupumilit

di ko alam sinong tatakbuhan ko

takot kasi akong baka marinig ko lang yung di ko gustong marinig

yung pinakainiiwas-iwasan kong mga salita

words that would cause me to wreak havoc upon the speaker

baka lalo lang nila akong lilituhin

lalong gugulo buhay ko

i used to think it was all set in stone

i used to think i knew it was certain

ngayon - i’m not so sure

and it hurts

ang dami kasing dapat i-take into consideration

dati parang ang dali lang ng buhay

i have never felt so alone

ayaw kong mag-paalam

ayokong maudlot ito

gusto ko pa ring matupad yung mga pangarap na sinimulan noon pa

gusto kong bumalik ang kahapon na puno ng ligaya

dahil ito lang talaga magdadala sakin ng saya

pero imposible yun

kahit ano pang sabihin nila

buhay ko ito, hindi ito sa kanila

ako pa rin ang magdi-decide ng kinabukasan ko

gusto kong matupad yun

kahit ano gagawin ko, basta kaya ko

sana di nalang ako tinapon sa sitwasyon na ganito

napaka-hirap

araw-araw nalang na ginawa ng Diyos, d maiwasang mag-isip

at magtanong sa sarili

nakakabaliw

di ko malaman ang gagawin ko

ayokong mawalan ng pag-asa

di ko talaga gawain yun

dapat optimistic lagi

pero hindi ko na yata kaya

subalit kakayanin ko

for my own sanity