Obenieta: Chuckle the beloved country
By Myke U. Obenieta
So to speak
www.sunstar.com.ph
While fire is spouted off in the country’s capital, where the voice of reason is hardly heard through the heat of political ferment, the rest of the nation can only spit out a certain dryness in the mouth. How dare Manila speak for the entire Philippine population?
For those in the Visayas baring their fangs against a long-perceived imperial hauteur, there’s a tickle in the tongue over a recent hue and cry: the birth of a Bisdak Republic.
Never mind all our heroes who died for an unchained but united archipelago.
But considering how observers of this so-called "Pearl of the Orient Seas" can only roll cynical eyeballs against the swell of a sinking feeling, there’s no putdown epithet more apt than the offhand ode to our uniqueness as a race: "Only in the Philippines."
Hereunder is a catalogue of catty observation from someone in my e-group. Bring it on, or so Bisdaks may wink and wince at this bittersweet view of the Philippines:
"Where people speak all kinds of languages, and still call it Tagalog.
Where call center employees earn more money than teachers and nurses. Where even doctors, lawyers and engineers are unemployed.
Where the school is considered the second home and the mall considered as third.
Where students pay more money than they will earn afterwards. Where every street has a basketball court, and every town only has one public school.
Where kids dream of becoming pilots, doctors, actors and basketball players.
Where crossing the street involves running for your dear life. Where flyovers bring you from the freeway to the side streets. Where honking of car horns is a way of life. Where flood waters take up more than 90 percent of the streets during the rainy season. Where traffic signs are merely suggestions, not regulations. Where the definition of traffic is the "non-movement" of vehicles.
Where everyone has his personal ghost story. Where everything can be forged. Where people can pay to defy the law. Where being held up is normal because it happens to everyone.
Where even the poor get to wear Ralph Lauren and Tommy Hilfiger and the latest cell phones (GSM - galing sa magnanakaw). Where Starbucks coffee is more expensive than gas. Where all kinds of animals are edible. Where fastfood is a diet meal. Where water can only be classified as tap and dirty, and clean water is for sale (P35 per gallon).
Where tourist spots is where Filipinos do not (or cannot) go.
Where a personal computer is mainly used for games and Friendster. Where billiards is a sport, and playing darts is a bar game.
Where colonial mentality is denied. Where wearing national colors make you "baduy." Where everything is spoofed.
Where being called a bum is never offensive. Where everyone has a relative abroad who keeps them alive.
Where the church governs the people. Where the government makes the people pray for miracles.
Where rodents are normal house pets. Where soap operas tell the realities of life and where the news provides the drama.
Where actors make the rules. Where politicians provide the entertainment.
Where cigarettes and alcohol are a necessity. Where lottery is a commodity.
Where everyone wants to leave the country."
I miss you, Pilipinas! =)
